How did I become a mom to not just one angel… But two angels?
I have asked that question so many times over the years. Then I remember; I am not supposed to question God.
Romans 9:20 KJV
Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?
So, what do I do to try to get some kind of peace? For me, I have learned to lean on God through prayer. I talk to Him. I ask Him to help me not to question His plan, yet to give me strength to face each day with thanksgiving. I thank Him that He not only gave me my two sons who are now back in His presence, but He also gave me four children who are here with me. They need a mother still. God gave all six of them to me to care for and I try to focus on that. Oh…there are days that I think to myself, how can I help my children when I can’t help myself? I can only move forward knowing my sons are no longer in pain; they can walk, they can talk, they can see… They have a glorified body. Praise God!!!
I won’t try to cover the ugly truth. Grief of a child loss is a journey that no one can really explain to someone who has never lost a child. (Even caring for a child with special needs cannot not be described in its full detail.) At first it feels like you are not breathing. You see everything moving around you as you remain stuck in that moment…The moment your child died. But…. There is good news! You don’t have to stay there. With God, you learn to move forward one day at a time; one breath at a time. He will be there with you in those moments when you are not breathing. He is your breath. He has carried me when I just knew I could not go another day. He has opened my heart and my eyes to see joy again in the eyes of my four children here with me, my husband who despite the fact that he wants so desperately to “fix” me, is there to just hold me, and the rest of my family who are also learning that some days are just too hard for me so they let me know they are there if I need them. He has given me hope and assurance that my sons did not die in spirit. They died an earthly death that gave them eternal life. For that, I am beyond grateful.
I know my life will never be as it once was. Why would I really want it to? My sons had a beautiful purpose that they each fulfilled here on earth. I don’t want their life to be without meaning. I want to acknowledge they were here…That they existed. I speak their names, “Anthony” and “Dalton”. They changed me for the better. They taught me how to be a better mother, wife and friend. They brought me to know God in a way I don’t really know I would have without this journey. Whether it has been over thirty years since my Anthony earned his wings or the two and a half years since my Dalton earned his wings, I know I am forever changed.
So, how did I become a mom to not just one angel…But two angels? The only answer I have right now is this…God chose me to be the mother of two boys that would need a little more care than my other four children. He chose me to be their advocate. He chose me to love them with unconditional love. HE CHOSE ME! Thank You, God for my children.
~ Dianna Greene
Mother of Anthony (1/22/88 – 2/21/89) & Dalton Shell (10/3/96 – 6/25/18)
Gracious and Heavenly Father,
I ask You to please comfort my dear friends. Wrap Your merciful arms around us all and remind us who we are, Lord…we are YOURS.
Lord, give us compassion for others. Teach us to love one another. Give us words to say to help those who grieve. Lord, never let us for-get to be a light to others.
Lord, I ask You to bless those who grieve. Give them beautiful memories of their loved one. Please comfort the brokenhearted. Be with us all as we face each day learning to move forward without our child and in some cases, our children. When the tidal wave of over-whelming grief feels like we will certainly drown, remind us that You are there, even in those moments when we just don’t think You are. Help us to rebuke the enemy that tries to steal any joy we try to regain and keep us safe from his lies that sometimes make us question You, Lord.
Most of all Lord, thank You!!!
Thank You for being our comforter.
Thank You for allowing each of us to be the mother, father, sibling or just a friend to our loved one.
Thank You for giving us a way to reunite with them.
Thank You for Your mercy in grace and for Your son, Jesus!
I pray, dear Lord, for my family. Please continue to give us the strength each day to move one step closer to You. Please give us peace in our hearts and joy in our lives as we go on remembering our child.
I ask these of You Lord, in Jesus’ name,
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.