How long…
Will the pain ever end?
Will the sorrow cease?
Will the grief give way?
How long, Lord?
How long?

I’ve been waiting for what seems like an eternity to receive the answer to this desperate cry.

I was 10 years old when my brother went to heaven.
I was 17 when my dad was diagnosed with cancer for the first time, 18 the second time, and 22 the third time.
I was 23 when depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder took over my life.
I was 24 when I was diagnosed with Lyme disease.
I’m 25 years old, and I’m still crying out to God – “How long, Lord? How long?”

In the midst of one of my darkest days I prayed …
“How long Lord?

How long?

How long will I have to continue to bear this brokenness? How long will I wake up only to want to fall back asleep and never awake again? How long will the darkness last? Will the light ever fully break? Will it stay? I can’t live this way forever. I’m not meant to. You have a plan for my life. You have more in store.”

How Long?
You may feel like your suffering will never end.
Maybe you’re at the end of your rope, waiting for God to rescue you.
You’re not alone in your suffering and you’re not alone in your waiting.
The God who promises to never leave you, nor forsake you, will meet you there.

When you’re waiting for healing… He is there.
When you’re waiting for an answer… He is there.
When you’re waiting for the darkness to lift… He is there.
When you’re waiting for deliverance… He is there.
When you’re waiting for freedom… He is there.
When you’re waiting for life to return to your bones… He is there.
When you’re waiting… He. Is. There.

I don’t know how long, but I know it won’t last forever. No matter what you’re going through, it won’t last forever. 1 Peter 5:10 says, “And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”

I don’t know how long.
But I know that God is there in the waiting… and that is enough.

~ Erin Kelly Bean
Sister of Hunter Kelly (2/14/97-8/5/05)


Thank you that you meet me in the waiting.
You meet me in my wandering.
You meet me in the midst of every why I bring before You.
Give me hope, give me courage, give me strength as I wait.
When I cry out in desperation, be my Comforter.
When I can’t see past the darkness, be my Light.
When I doubt, be the Truth I stand on.

Lord, today I choose to trust in Your unfailing love.
I worship you in the waiting… for you have been good to me.

In Jesus Name,

Psalm 13

How long, Lord?
Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart.
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,” and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise, for He has been good to me.